Sex

The Appeal of BDSM and Rough Play

BDSM_collar_backMy sexual encounters are more vanilla than most swinging couples out there, simply because I look at sex as a fine wine-type situation. I like to sample all of the subtle flavors and character of the encounters. However, there is a darker side to sexual theater known as “BDSM”, “Dominance Play”, “Rough Play”, etc; It goes by many different names. I’m not going to explain the elements here, it’s simply too large of a subject. If you want to learn more about it, aside from the “50 Shades of Grey” arena, check out the many and varied books on the subject, most notable Tristan’ Taormino’s “The Ultimate Guide to Kink”, available on Amazon.com. 

The reason I’m writing this article is because I get so many questions about it in my conversations and correspondence, that I figured I should touch on it, as well as my reasons for not partaking on a regular basis.

BDSM has many facets, including but not limited to, spanking, pain play, restraint, humiliation, all for thew purposes of sexual arousal and gratification. For some it is the ultimate expression of sex. For others it is taboo, which of course adds to the illicit thrill. To be perfectly honest, I am not an authority on BDSM, having only dabbled in the most vanilla of the activities. I myself enjoy a lot of spanking, restraint with rope, blindfolding, and dirty talk. So granted, my experience with BDSM is quite limited.

However, I very much understand why BDSM is so appealing. It’s the appeal that pain, anxiety, deprivation and pleasure are somehow inexplicably linked in the human brain. It’s the appeal of being someone else when in the confines of that setting. If you are normally the submissive in the relationship you currently are in, a reversal of roles can bring on new revelations and feelings you didn’t even know were there. A couple I know are very much career people with professional vocations (they asked me to withhold their actual careers for the purposes of this article). However, when they get into one of their rough moods they switch roles from the male dominant dynamic to the female dominant (often violently) dynamic and it is as if there are 2 completely different people in the room.

Granted, it is AMAZING to watch. (And I have fairly often, it really is an interesting sight to see) For some it is right up their alley. For myself, not so much. I realize the need for dominance play in any healthy relationship, but the reality for me is that my sexual tolerances really on reside on the sides of pleasure not pain/pleasure. I can deal with being spanked and other things like that, but once we start getting into hardcore pain, I tap out.  I’m quite simply not comfortable with that. Sex has always been a very sensual thing with me, namely that if I can’t explore the feelings of intercourse at my own pace, then it’s really just a waste of experience. Maybe if I could find someone experienced in such matters to guide me along that path, I’d be more inclined to venture that way more often.

Again, I’m not an authority. Maybe some day that will change. That being said, BDSM is another tool in the palette of modern sexual theater that everyone should try at least once. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, the experience still enhances your sex life for the better.

Cheers.

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