baby-memes-omg-cute-things-083012-14I really don’t have anything to write about. My English teacher in high school, Mr. Joseph used to say, “If you are a writer, and you can’t think of anything to write about, just write random things. It will either make sense or it won’t. In either case, you’re still a writer.”

So, Shaun my brother in arms, made a garlic meatloaf last night that I got to partake in, and I literally had garlic farts all goddamned night long. It was like farting IV pizza, it was so amazing. My wife smelled like an Italian brothel last night as a result. I never wanted to lick her forehead before. But, fuck it. I did it and I feel like I’m closer to her as a husband because of it.

I’m starting school this coming semester and I’m really excited about it. Basically the first semester of classes I simply have to show up for because it’s shit that I know. For example “CompSci 101 – How to turn the fucking computer on”. Yeah, I could shit on the floor as an answer on the final and still pass. I think it’s time to hold ourselves to a higher educational standard than “Hey turn the computer on.”

I was debating on taking Intro to Theatre, when I transfer to SRU the following semester (if all goes well) but, I think I inflict enough chaos on the professor’s life by making her husband a horrible, horrible person. Actually, he’s pretty far gone as a human being, which is why I love the dude. Seriously, he’s probably fisting a nun on a church altar as we speak. Either that or kicking puppies. Possibly kittens.

Oh, and I hit a chipmunk this morning when I went to Walmart. Little fucker had it coming. Don’t play chicken with me. I proved it to your birds, I proved it to your opossums, and I’ll prove it to anything that gets in front of my car that’s not a felony to purposely hit. You know what an endangered species is? Whatever’s in the road when I’m driving.

Besides, fuck chipmunks. There hasn’t been a chipmunk worth his salt since Chip and Dale. And they solved mysteries and shit. Take notes rodent world, there’s only one way to please the human population. Based on the law of averages, there won’t be another chipmunk worth swerving for for another thousand years. Fuck Alvin and the Chipmunks they were created before Chip and Dale. Besides I’ll take the intrepid investigators over showtune-singing box-shitters any day of the week. Sorry, if Justin Long does your voiceover, you’re useless.

So, Donna and I sleep on a Full sized mattress right now. And she’s a blanket hog. So we tuck the sheets in figuring that would help things. When I read this, I farted as I laughed. Mmmmm garlic.

See this? THIS is the shit I write when I can’t think of anything to write that means something to me. It’s either this or WoW.


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