Sex

Ask the Bane #1: To Swing or Not to Swing

1337033421875Since the publication of my book, I’ve been getting few emails (and tweets) asking about everything sex related. Which, you know, is rather flattering. So I figured I might as well answer some of them publicly. Email addresses have been withheld because I’m not a complete dick…

This week, “To Swing or Not to Swing”

Bane, 

What would be the best way to get my wife interested in swinging? How would I go about trying to get her to try it out?

Well, yeah here’s the secret. You don’t.

I covered this exact question (though phrased rather poorly) in my book, in an appendix about non-monogamy.

All you can really do is mention it and try to make sure that she knows you’re not wanting to try it out to find a replacement for her. Sadly, this is the foremost reaction I’ve gotten from anyone I’ve ever been non-monogamous with. I can relate to this, because one of the biggest fears for any couple is the fear of replacement.

Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, try to press the issue. All you can do is plant the seed and if she’ll be even remotely interested, she’ll bring it up again.

Of course, it bears mentioning that you cannot be a swinger if one or both of you are extremely jealous people. If this is the case, the only way that it could possibly work is if you both are willing to try and combat the source of your jealousy. Provided you both set your rules, follow them, and realize that this is just a fun and sexy adventure for both of you, you can combat your jealousy and come to the realization that thousands (I would imagine millions) of non-monogamous couples have come to understand. Namely, that sex with someone else is just sex.

To ease into the idea, hang out with a swinging couple, have porn on in the background during one of your sex sessions (to give the illusion of having sex in a room full of people), or just talk about it, provided she’s comfortable with it. If you have truly good communication skills and really are in it for the long haul, if there is something within life that will break you two up, relationship-consensual sex with other people isn’t it.

Cheers,

Bane

Check out my book, “Ladies First” at Lulu Publishing, http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thebane

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