A Dreamed Monologue

When I was sleeping last night, I had a dream that I was overhearing a conversation about me. I suppose even I can have my narcissistic moments. Here it is presented in its entirety, because I am slightly OCD.
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You want to know about Bane? Bane is the king of disproportionate response. If you slap him in the face, he kills you and burns down your house with all your cats. If you ignore him, he treats you like you never existed. That’s what Bane is, the epitome of the “go all out, or go home” mentality.

He is the kind of guy who plots your downfall, whether you’re friend or foe, just in case the two of you are ever head to head. And God help you if you ever are. Bane is the kind of guy who does not plan for failure, because he never fails. Bane will kill you, or die trying. If you damage his reputation, he’ll destroy your life. If you kick his dog, he’ll string yours up in your front yard like a prized gutted deer.

But, on the other hand, if you like him, he’ll always have your back. If you kiss him, he showers you with kisses. If you love him, he’ll never want to be without you. He is both the faithful master and obedient servant. Bane lives his life for one thing, to learn everything that is learnable, and experience everything that is able to be experienced.

He does not fear death, but seeing as he should have died a hundred times before, I wouldn’t be surprised if death fears him. He sees it as another experience, and figures it will come when it comes.

You know what Bane is? Bane is the amplifier of everything you do to him, say about him, or think about him. Treat him right, and he is a jewel in your crown, reflecting brilliant light on everything you do. Treat him wrong and he’s the nail in your coffin when you’re buried alive. He’s the mirror that reflects your self-worth, or shatters and cuts your jugular. He’s the revolving door filled with one part laughing gas, one part cyanide.

Remember, just because he’s smiling at you, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s happy. A second before the smile, he probably just recognized you for an enemy…

…the smile is because he’s just decided that you’re on borrowed time.

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