Drunken Conversations

So Crystal came over last night, with a LOT of booze… An amount that would probably killl a small horse… So last night Donna, Crystal and I spent a LONG time being stupid. I have a habit of writing things down that people say while drunk, so that I’ll definitely remember them in the morning. I call them “Sillygrams”. So here is last night’s Sillygram, with appropriate annotations and descriptions.

“Pumpkins hit hard.”

My legs were so heavy last night that i couldn’t get off my chair, the next thing I said was, “THE CHAIR AND I ARE ONE!!!”

“I made a bird sound, humans can sound like birds.”

“Gort hose” when referring to a “goat nose”

“Wailing tag” when referring to Sissy’s “wagging tail”.


“Lights aren’t as bright when you have Chinese eyes.”

“John would look scary with Pocohontas hair.”

This section requires some explanation. I put my media player on shuffle and one of the songs that came up was “Jungle Love” from Morris Day and the Time. Donna stopped what she was saying to remark that she thought this song was inherently racist. So we tried to forumlate theories as to why the song could be racist.

“Maybe because to some people jungle equals black, because the love is between a black person and a white person, so maybe in their mind, jungle equals black equals monkey.”

“How would someone get that black equals monkey?”

“Have you ever seen a white monkey?”

“You know how some white people are all like (makes growling sound) towards black people?”

“Then why is they fur white?”

Then the entire race conversation ends with someone saying, “I’m not racist, I love Sissy (our black lab/bloodhound dog).”

“Someone is watching a different version of March of the Penguins than I am.”

“You have such a bitchface right now.”

“Let it hit you in the crotch, it makes you feel alive!”

“I thought I peed my pants, but I didn’t. How the fuck does this happen?”

“You know what would be neat? An owl with rabies.”

“You know what I like about cats, they’re all just like, “Hi.””.

“You fucking liar, you want to fuck Pokemon’s nose!!!” She meant “Pinnochio”.


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