Dear people floating in the blurry ether between heterosexuality and asexuality,
My name is Bane and I am your ally. I donate my time to phone banks when a vote is called regarding LGBT affairs. I donate my webspace occassionally writing about LGBT affairs when something hits me (which truth be told isn’t all that bloody often, as the wheels of social justice are turning without my help these days), I donate money to your cause, because I don’t consider it YOUR cause. I consider it OUR cause. I am NOT a heterosexual male. I am a pansexual male.
Side note: I was going to label myself an “omnisexual” then a friend told me that this essentially means that livestock are counted as acceptable partners, and though I live in North Western Pennsylvania, I have no intention of fitting in here. So, “pansexual” suits me just fine.
My motto, “If it’s pretty, fuck it.” I have had relationships with men, women, and on one occasion a trans woman (whatever the terminology is for someone who WAS a male, but is now a female) although my standards for men are so astronomically high and specific, I doubt that will ever happen again, but that’s neither here nor there.
I will never mock you for your right to love whom you wish to love. I will never vote or cast any kind of thought or action that would deprive you the right to marry. Why shouldn’t you be as happy (and in most cases, as miserable) as the rest of us are?
When a conversation about President Obama comes up where he is criticized because “he’s worrying about the rights of all those faggots instead of attending to the economy.” Expect me to say something to the effect of, “He can do two things at once, you fucking idiot! The rights of a group of people who are who they are, trumps your ability to go out and get more food to make yourself fatter, you self absorbed cow!” Then I will give the finger, kick their cat, take a shit on their table and walk away.
And yes, this a conversation I’ve had in the recent past, minus shitting on the table, though that fucking cat pissed me off, so THAT was kind of a bonus.
When I see an anti-gay protest, I will stop, giggle and hold hands with the nearest guy I find. Depending on my willingness to piss people off that day, I may go further. I’ll cross that bridge to public fellatio when I come to it.
When I come across a business who discriminates based on anything, I will not do business with them.
When someone attacks you, I will defend you.
When someone calls you a name, I will sling insults back at them (and believe me, I have a wide range of destructive epithets to hurl).
If someone hits you in my line of sight, I’m going to jail because I’ll hit them with a fucking bat. Or, my car. Whatever I have the keys in my hand for at that particular time. Could be a tennis racket, could be a brick. Or I may just choke a bitch. I may let you decide. Dealer’s choice and all…
I will do this whether or not you want me to.
Because it’s the RIGHT thing to do.
This is not about the right to put your genitals wherever you wish, this is about love. It’s about YOUR right and MY right to love who we will, and to be recognized for the unions that we make. It is wrong to emphasize the sexual aspects of this issue, but in reality anyone who is in the hetero-normative population sees only this aspect of it.
They don’t see the two men holding each other in bed after a long day’s work who don’t have the energy for sex. They don’t see the 80 year old women sitting on a couch, doing the crossword, silently ignoring each other. They don’t see that the aspects of their relationships, of YOURS and MINE are exactly like theirs. In their minds, there’s us and them.
But, this divide has never existed between you and I. There are no lesbians, gays, heteros, transgender, bisexuals. There are only people who love who they love and do what they do.
Eventually, my daughter will grow up to gender-identify and if she is a lesbian, I hope she will not be the slightest bit bothered to tell me. Because who she loves or where she puts her genitals is no concern of mine. She is my daughter and I will love her no matter what. Unless she becomes a Republican. Then we might have a crisis on our hands. But, aside from her being down with the GOP, my daughter will always be my daughter. If she gender-identifies as a man, I will help her with the payments on whatever surgeries and reassignment thingies she wants and feels she needs.
If she stresses over telling me these things, I will hug her, kiss her on the cheek and mock her for keeping these things from her father, who wants nothing in this world besides her unbroken happiness.
I’ll speak out, and fight, and donate to make sure that everyone has the right to do what they want to do, and love who they want to love, unhampered by the preferences of a bunch of bigoted assholes who don’t really give a shit about us anyway.
And here’s this thing, you will NEVER have to thank me. Because, this is my fight too.
Again, there is no YOU. There is only US.