This is an angry rant inspired by a category 2 headache and feeling like absolute shit. Having said that, it’s still pretty funny.
I know that someone is going to try and prank me before the day is over, so this is just a warning.
Anyone who pranks me in person is getting punched in the fucking face. I’m just not in the god damn mood.
And enough with the whole “April Fools – I’m gay” thing. I couldn’t give any less of a shit about someone’s sexual preference. Pretending to come out to me is not funny, it’s a waste of my time (because I don’t give 2 shits about where you stick your boy/girl parts) and a slap in the face for thousands of people for whom coming out is a massive step of self-acceptance. You fucking idiot.
I’m glad we live in a world where people feel they can put their noses in each other’s business without fear of getting their fucking asses kicked.
News Flash, fuckheads… I WILL beat your ass for putting your nose in my business. A jail term is a small price to pay to set an example to a moronic little cretin who didn’t deserve the nose I broke anyway.
And enough with people trying to add (and in some cases, re-adding) me to Facebook. If I deleted your request, I’m not going to be impressed by your tenacity. If anything I’m fantasizing about coming over to your house, punching you in the groin and lighting your house on fire. And if you were on my friend’s list, and deleted ME, then have the balls to add me again, all I can say is, “Thank you for deleting me, because deleting you would have caused a bit too much bullshit that I wasn’t interested in dealing with. This way I get rid of you, your family decides that YOU’RE the fucking idiot and everyone is happy. Except for you. But, you’re a douche and douches aren’t real people.”
The more I’m around some of you fucking idiots the more it makes sense to shoot myself in the face, so I’m at least rid of the fucking stupidity that I have to deal with when I turn on my computer every god damned day of my life. I have never before been associated with such an idiotic group of people that seriously made me want to manifest a drinking/drug problem just to be able to begin to deal with the mindless drivel that comes out of your mouths.
I’m not saying I hate any of you, but for some of you, if you were shot in the asshole on St. Patty’s Day, I’d want to be the one holding the gun.
Is it really too much to ask, to not have to deal with stupid people every god damned day of my life? And I’m not talking about the internet in general. I realize that every time I connect, I’m about to dip my cock in a barrel of industrial strength stupid. I’m not talking about those mouth-breathers, I’m talking about the people I actively associate with. I’m just really disappointed that 3 out of 10 of you I’d like to feed foot-first into a running wood chipper.
30% of you are wastes of genetic material, 40% of you are various degrees of “meh”, 20% of you are people I enjoy, and the remaining 10% are people I know I would not want to do without. What does that say when the first thing that comes to mind if one of the 70% were killed by an infant drunk-driver would be, “and NOTHING of value was lost…”
I’m just tired and not feeling well…